Your Life is Worth Living

Nothing seemed to be going right. Everything seemed to be crumbling around her. She was constantly losing people in her life, she hated her job and with no leads to a new one, she felt like everybody had turned their back on her when she needed them most, and to make things worst she had been taunted, harassed and attacked. Every night she prayed that she would go to sleep and never wake up but it seemed that her prayer had gone unanswered. After one last verbal attack she felt that she couldn't take anymore so she decided to take matters into her own hands because in her mind death had to be better than this. Wednesday morning, she got up, went to visit some family, smiled and laughed like everything was okay. But what her family didn't know was that was her saying good-bye. She later went home, cleaned up, sat a little while then grabbed a bottle of pills and a glass of water. At that moment she felt she couldn't take anymore and life was not worth living any longer. But the God we serve had other plans for her. As she attempted to swallow the pills that in hopes would end her pain and suffering, she began to choke, choke to the point of vomiting and every pill she had attempted to swallow began to come up. She sat there covered in tears and vomit and as she looked up staring her in the face was a picture of the one person she loved the most in the world, the one person that would give her the strength to fight for life and that her life was worth living.

That woman above was me. Life had gotten so bad that I felt lost. It seemed like every time I turned around I was getting bad news. Every time it seemed that life was okay, I got knocked down further than I was before. My rock, my guidance, my mom was no longer with me. I was surrounded by so many people but felt all alone. I sat and watched those I love walk out of my life, I felt that I had no purpose and I was stuck. That Wednesday, and days, weeks, months leading up to that moment I felt that death had to be better than the life I was living. I felt like a hollow shell that was just going through the motions with no feeling on the inside. I had been diagnosed with depression, taking my medicine but it made feel like a walking zombie. At one point I had become so depressed that I lost more than 30 pounds within two weeks and hadn't eaten in more than two months. I sat in church, at work, around family and friends and smiled like everything was good but emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually I was dying and nobody seemed to notice.

I share my story because there are so many others out there that is going through or has gone through what I have gone through. Lost in a world that seems to be passing you by. Feeling less than and that you don't belong. Unfortunately there are some that are not able share their story and their's ended differently than mine. But I am here to tell you that there is a purpose for your life. Life has its ups and downs, we will be pushed to our limits, there will be moments where we want to give up but God has something greater in store for each of us.

Those that are feeling this way know that you are NOT alone! God is with you every step of the way. TURN TO HIM. Every negative thought that comes in your head about yourself, tell the devil you are not that. When we find who we are in God, when we truly believe what God says about us, that we are fearfully and wonderfully made, that you are more than a conqueror, that you can do all things through Christ, you begin to walk in your purpose with boldness and feel a sense of peace. You boldly stand in the face of the enemy and say you are a lie, I AM SOMEBODY!!! It is sometimes in our darkest moments that we find who we truly are. It is in those darkest moments that God's light shines the brightest and we must begin to be that light to others that may be in their dark moments. We must begin to shed light on the seriousness of depression and suicide. We must begin to share love and not hate, to encourage each other and not belittle, to empower and not taunt, to share the love of Christ to each other and not the hate of the enemy.

Child of God, life can be extremely hard but YOUR life is worth living. You are loved and Jesus paid the ultimate sacrifice, His life, so that you may live. I know you may feel all alone but you are not, there is someone out there waiting for you to talk to them about whatever it is that you may be going through. Surround yourself with positive, seek help personal and/or professional, turn to God and His Word and remember that God created YOU for GREATNESS!